Remains of a modern romance

HI

chinchiline — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 22:49:14 +0000

Yeah, it’s been a while, but I guess we needed a little space in time, I know I did. I’ll start a new tone of voice to write to you.

That’s wonderful that u are in love! I see you needed a shit load of time to fall, since you are dating for a while, but if you can reach that state of mind that’s the greatest that can ever happen to you. Well for me it’s not the same I couldn’t make a big step like you so I just dating many girls, and it’s always kind of funny hove much I don’t care about them. I enjoy this lifestyle as I can by the way, but I guess it’s time now to saddle for a while.

Well if you think I was the one to open up you to feel, than I guess my purpose was fulfilled in a way, that was the thing I wanted to give you anyway.

You job is killing me. That kind of money is a fortune, so good for you babe, if you have some translation for me I would move back to America in a hart beat. I am kind of struggling with my job, I don’t earn as much as I expected, but that’s me. I always have big expectations, or dreams. I will visit you if I have the money, but it wont be soon, and of course you are welcomed here any time.

I want to love life as much as you do babe, that was one of the reasons I felt for you. It is just wonderful the way you can enjoy everything. Remain always like this, because if you will I will definitely go and visit you.

Btw. today were the elections in my country, but I really don’t give a shit. So If something extraordinary happen I will tell it to you.

With love

Peter

YO YO YO!! WAZAAAA!!!!

chinchiline — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 16:57:24 +0000

oh gosh jaja its been forever… but well in the whole time that i havent written so many i mean SOOOO MANY things have happened… I LOVED your painting by the way amazing… great talent u had hidden there.. keep it up because its awesome… anyway so in case you didnt know which i dont think u do i have a boyfriend now… its good news really ive fallen inlove once again… the feeling is amazing… and well he is the same guy i met before playing poker since november and we’ve been together since then… it wasnt really serious till some time in january but yeah its great… im happy and im feeling and i thank u for opening that door for me… well in other stories i have a new job… yep i got a job with the government doing what my mom and sister do translating phone calls from english to spanish… great pay man 4000 dollars a month thats 60000 dollars a year… thats too much for me to handle but its fulltime and i took it cause its spectacular pay… so yeah ill be moving out by august to live alone.. in complete solitude as i have always wanted… somewhere close like fair lakes area u know where like ur second apartment was… its funny cause my boyfriend lives really close to there and everytime i pass by im like ooohhh Peter jajaja but yeah… hows life with u? hows the love life? the school life? family life? friend life? still doign funkyness like expirments with acid and what not? jajaja ive stopped all bad things and well i only drink now on occasion… i still smoke cigs though u know its impossible to leave them… so when are u coming back? u need to stop and visit me if u ever do.. same as if i go to hungary or anywhere near there for that matter be sure that ill stop at ur door to say hi! well im at school now im going to study english… and im changing schools im going to go into george mason university for the fall… yesterday my mom crashed my car it was so funny it was parked in the driveway and she crashed it! i havent even crashed it yet except once when i backed up into some bricks but nothing happened.. but yeah… apart from that my cars still alive jaja …. my sister is moving in june with her boyfriend to san diego.. im going to san diego in a week and a half for my best friends 21st birthday.. so many things have happened… but even so i dont forget about u and ill try to write more but the important thing is that i write… so basically life is AMAZING! and im living and loving it to the fullest of all expectations.. expecting nothing and receiving everything… i want to know about you so tell me EVERYTHING! my family is here from the dominican republic so its been hectic this past week but i love them even though their loud… well i have to go but i miss u take care and be safe!! and LIVE and LOVE it!

love always,

Maxine

Late night tales

chinchiline — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:52:57 +0000

I am afraid what will happen tomorrow. The demonic circle has begun again, I was asleep for a few month, but its time to wake. I was reading my old posts from the time we met each other, and I started to think about a lot of thing and my emotions kept me awake. Now I need to write, and you are fare away enough to write to.

You were my muse for a while, and I realized my writing is only good if I write it to someone I love. Without this it has a lack of emotion. What I wrote that time is kind of amazing, its beautiful, and deep.

You were the girl I was afraid of, because I knew from the first time that I will love you. I knew my love will be the kind that destroys me, and you are the kind who will be my murderer. We where in the eye of the hurricane, but after we band apart I knew the storm will come again.

I started to date that girl, who is kind of boring, but I need some peace anyway. I afraid of her because I know I could newer love her but I have that urge to have her anyway.

Before I’ve met you I dated many girls that year, and I built myself up to be someone who can love and be loved. That is the circle that begun again this year, but of course I am not sure I really need to do these stupid things again.

But I have to. That’s the way I know to open myself. I need to write, I need to have some emotions, without them I am nothing. I need them even if they are bad cause then I can build some good ones.

Well I really need to sleep now. I did five of my nine exams already but there are some bad ones left. I am happy that you are out somewhere, you who know a better me then I know right now.

Have a good year Babe. Mine is gonna be awesome!

Christmas special

chinchiline — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 16:00:56 +0000

HI!

Skinemarinky dinky dink. Happy Christmas Babe! Here is my Christmas special addition for U! I watched all South Park episodes that are came out for the holydays. That’s my thing at that time of the year. I’ll try to post my painting, I hope I will be able to do that. You should give me some of your writings too. I am really interested, cause since u are becoming a writer you must have wrote some new good stuff.

Good luck with the green eyed guy, I hope you will find something special about him not only the eyes.

Here it is a lot of snow, it’s good for Christmas. Have you seen snow already? I bet you will real soon. Don’t forget to make some snow angels, they kind of fit you.

Peter

PETERRRRR!!!!

chinchiline — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:39:36 +0000

Gosh I havent written in a while… but I have to say my smell has changed… (i bought a new perfume its amazing jajajaja) anyway… so yeah this new business ur talking about… what does it consist of? are u a millionaire yet? ajaja yeah gosh since the last time i wrote to u life has changed in so many different ways… first with my decision to finally go to a real university and do my double major in art and journalism oh and please send me a picture of what u painted… were u on acid while u painted? im surprised it didnt get to u because heres a story… well i met another guy which i will explain later but heres a story… so u know thanksgiving the holiday where u eat turkey and shit and remember how the pilgrims killed all those innocent indiands.. why we celebrate such a devastating aspect of our history fuck what the hell should i know.. but its america and those americans with there weird ways (i myself being one of them)… anyway… so lorena came to visit me during thanksgiving.. it was great and so i had been liking this new man who i will explain about later.. but he invited us to a rave… so we went of course jajaja yeah it was amazing this huge massive party in baltimore like 2 hours away from here.. well u can imagine the excess of drugs and alcohol in such a place and there was so much music and it was a huge place with like 5 different rooms all with different kind of music for everyones style… so basically we were there but we had no weed and this made me sad cause i wanted to be high.. some how or another the guy i like whos name is tim casually got some acid and to my disbelief i took one.. shit but i shouldnt have because after that i started tripping out and going crazy i was lost… everything was chaotic the noise made me mad the people.. and then the police it was insane i just didnt let myself enjoy it thinking about all the things in my head… i hope the next time i do it which would make it my 5th time i actually sit down and enjoy the ride cause thats what i have been lacking all this time feeling and enjoying what i feel. so yeah i met this guy in poker its funny cause i have a friend whos gay and lives in this apartment close to where u used to live…well i was at his house one night and we just chill and get high together.. i have been doing that most frequently.. well yeah so suddenly this tall guy with the most lovely colored eyes i have ever seen approaches my friend as we’re outside of his apartment and says to him that he lives upstairs and blablabla and they should hang and blabla whatever i didnt know who he was… then the next week my friend calls me to play poker and i end up playing AT THIS GUYS HOUSE! weird coincidence huh? so yeah i see him again and think its funny and well nothing we talked a bit but whatever then the 2nd time i went to go play poker over there he asked for my number then invited me out and then one day we kissed and things happened in my mind… its crazy because we are not going out and i dont even know if we’re dating but since i met him ive been seeing him nonstop and everyday i just like him a little more.. and his eyes mesmerize me.. theyre green and large… i see him as someone who i could have something serious with so i dont want to ruin it talking about anyway i feel because last time i did that with the black man i just spit my mind out and he just swallowed my spit and spit it back out so im takiing it slow hoping he feels the same way and not thinking about what we could be but the moment while we are together… hes 21 and studies economics but is graduating very soon.. so enough about him… apart from that ive been great.. still no woman friend for me.. jaja but i got used to being a loser… even though i truly never feel alone despite the fact i sometimes am.. but dont feel lonely.. i love life and im out to enjoy it.. its splendid.. im on vacation now and hopefully leaving to new york tomorrow to see lore… i have to go but i just wanted u to know u are still a part of me and i carry ur essence wherever i go…

love always,

max

Baby Hairs

chinchiline — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 00:16:35 +0000

HI!

I just want you to know that I am thinking about you. Sometimes it’s hard, because we where in love and that is something that means the world to me. When I loose love I loose the brightness in my eyes, and that means I loose a good part of my personality. I am hiding from the thoughts that are cause pain, so I hide from you too; however you are always somewhere deep in my mind, and by this you are in my every action.

When I wake up in the morning sometimes I can catch my last dream pictures, and by this I sometimes can see us sitting in front of the stars of the office of our apartment complex. We are horsing around, you jump into my lap, and you never let me go, you are just hanging there like a little monkey or something.

Then you are mad at me, and you won’t hold my hand. At first you hold just one finger then two, than an other one. Finally you hold my hand, and start to sing in a childish very clear beautiful voice, and I love you so deeply there. There is always a police car parking in the corner of the street, and we are shouting very loudly.

Oh Baby that feeling is now coming so strongly, I thought it’s gone, but its not. I am just hiding from it, and I will need to hide from it or it destroys me. That is the candle light I have been talking about.

Love

Peter

Acid and money

chinchiline — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:08:54 +0000

Hi!

I am starting a business. Finally I can do it, and I don’t need the money I thought I can earn in America. Yeah. And I am talking about big money here. I am very excited, and I am full of dreams. But we will see. You know…

The acid was something weak material. It didn’t kick in too much, but I felt fine, and I was kind of happy. I spent my time with one of my best friends, who is a stage designer for theaters. We were painting, and painted a sick one; I will show it to you. I was listening to Nouvelle Vage just so you can be there with me during the experience. Well I learned that Life is yellow. Yeah. That’s it.

You are becoming a journalist? Wow so you have decided. That’s great babe! Like this you will be able to travel a lot. It’s kind of the best lifestyle that exists. And yes, I want to read your writing, all of them. I just love them, cause they reflect you in some way.

I am sorry to hear about the black guy, but you know it’s hard to find something perfect, or even something that is good enough. For me it is. Here the weather sucks, its dark after 4 pm, so it’s kind of depressing. Nothing happens, and I have to tell you I was in a really bad mood lately. Practically nothing good had happened with me since you, and that started to eat me up. But its OK. I remember last year about the same time I had a brake down like this, so it’s a pattern for me, and it will get better after the prom or what. It’s a great party for freshmen, and it will be this Saturday. I will be drunk, and I will act like a crazy person. Probably I will hook up with someone I will regret the next day, and with that I hit rock bottom.

But after that I will be wonderful again. Oh and after that I will become a millionaire, (Only Forint millionaire, that’s our money. 1000.000Ft is 50.000 dollar.) So yes maybe I can go to America to see you, and some other sights.

I miss you so much; it would be great if I could just hug you once. I want to smell you again!

Peter

El Caballero Inexistente!

chinchiline — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:38:39 +0000

hey hey hey! wow i have to say ur writing improved drastically… well here’s the deal… black african assholes not in the picture anymore nothing happened i sent him to go fuck himself after he ditched me on halloween and well we’re not even hanging out much anymore so yeah… but im living life to the extremes… ive been getting high frequently and ive met a lot of cool people playing poker of course jajaj ive been going out to clubs getting drunk and living and enjoying the feeling of energy and life within me and itself… ohhh yeah we’re finally moving after all this time it great!!! we found out today and im so excited… lorenas coming for thanksgiving so im super stoked and well tonight im going to a party with a dude i met like 3 weeks ago i think hes cute and well he invited me so i might as well.. but now im not looking for anything honestly im not interested.. im just floating around waiting for whats to come… if anything hits me in the face im not going to stop it but im not going to force things as relationships or simply liking someone.. i am having fun on my own without the worries of a man in my life.. even though u were technically the last man in my life jaaja thats ur stand for now so its all cool… u should be honored! jajaj im just kidding but yeah babe… i miss u hopefully i get to hit europe in the summer either way ill let u know for sure those plans in janruary or february… so ur friend had a baby!! thats intense how old is she? well its cool if ur ready for it and even if ur not like my sister u become a parent as soon as u know u have to.. ive decided im never getting married or having kids jajajaja yeah for the most part unless u become my husband… ohhh and remember that guy i love devendra banhart!!!!! well hes coming to play on the 25th and im planning on going!!! i love his music jaja remember in the pool when u asked me that question of who would i fuck marry and kill and i think i said i would fuck or kill him i dont remember… but either way hes him and im me and i will go see that shit hope its worth the cash… so school is well… i did tell u im not going to study architecture anymore right? well yeah i think im going to double major in journalism and art seeing as i love to write… i should send u a paper i wrote on my relationship with my father its intense ill post it up here if u want so just say yes or no…. i liked it… but anyway i miss u!! i wish u the best always oh wait the acid!!!! jajaaja i cant believe i almost forgot…. so i suppose that by now u already did it so i need u to describe everything in detail about ur trip id love to hear it!!! ok thats it for now peace and good vibes

love always,

max

America

chinchiline — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:51:42 +0000

Hi!

Good to hear that everything goes fine over there. For me this week was kind of bad, cause I started to give up smoking again. Well that’s my thing; I always do that when I am bored and am crying for some change. Last time I gave up smoking I met you, so it looks like a working strategy. So I was distracted and dreamy as usual, but already started to work out hard, so I can love myself with great enthusiasm again.

Audrey Hepburn huh? I am not sure if any girl here would know who she is, but there is one of the reasons I fell for you. You have her smile, and her eyes a little bit by the way. And now I miss them both as usual, if I think about them.

You smoke pretty much now days don’t you? Well I am looking forward to this night, cause my friend finally got me some acid, we call it paper or stamps. You know how curious was I about that shit.

I was drunk both Friday and Saturday, and I had enough, but today one of my closest friends baby girl has born, so we have to go celebrate. She couldn’t wait for at least one more day? And now the pressure, that someone I know has a baby! Crazy!

So you still have your thing with that guy. Life happens so slow I can’t believe it. Love comes so rarely, and so few are connecting. That sucks! For me, well I don’t have anything serious. To be true I am so slow, that I don’t have anything not serious either. Maybe that’s why I cry for change, give up cigarettes, and gain some muscle. I just need to wake up after you. I wish I could babe!

Well, well, well! Continue being happy, and I know you will get what you want. I am trying that happy thing too, and I am doing pretty well. One month from now I will be wonderful.

I miss you always; I really need someone like you in my life. (Someone who dress up as Audrey Hepburn) Good bye babe!

I find it kind of sad that when there is no love in my life the world seems totally dull, and pointless. Why the hell are u American?

Spazms and Orgasms

chinchiline — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 02:12:06 +0000

ignore the title… there have not been any orgasms… sorry i havent written in a while… life has been busy… and when i write to u i need to give u enough time.. so i can put my thoughts together and figure out what i want to say even though i never go chronologically in anything… so yeah tomorrow’s halloween lets start backwards… hmmm im dressing up as audrey hepburn from breakfast at tiffany’s ill tell u about it but first.. well i wanted to spend halloween with the african man but since he seems not to give a shit about me… as im noticing.. i think im heading to a party with ppl from my work… their all 30 around there but their pretty cool ppl i have to say… ive hung out with them twice before… one was a work party and i actually met them… and then last weekend where i got so fucking high (they all smoke) that i was tripping out hardcore and yeah my sister was drunk and didnt want to leave and i have no idea how we made it home alive cause i swear that when i say i was high off my ass I WAS AS HIGH AS A KITE BABY!!!! jjaja as today where i got a little high with 2 friends from my biology class… yeah their both guys it figures jajaja but their pretty cool we went to the mall so i could buy my costume which is just a little tight black dress…. and black pumps… yes i look sexy in case u were wondering.. jaja i wish i could share myself with u on such a night where u can dress up as absolutely anything… which i love…. so yeah what else yesterday i also got high with the same ppl from today and it was fun… i cant make it a habit though… its ok i think i have enough self control… so yeah we havent moved yet fuck i swear this day will never come… and im not pregnant at all… jajaja dont worry and im actually on birth control so yeah… nobabies till im ready.. and hopefully married and in final hapiness… so will you marry me? i mean think about it u become american… im not ugly so ull have a pretty wife who loves you mad… doesnt that sound pleasant… jaja i miss u babe.. but i have more to say… so yeah… um… schools the same works the samme as in do it everyday boring the same… i still am confused about what i want to be… but i guess along the way ill bump into something… deep in my heart it screams ART! ART! ART! and my body refuses… i should just go with my mind… which says whatever makes you sleep at night.. makes u happy… finally satisfied… I WISH! so i told the african the truth about what i feel for him which i realized i really like him and im stupid because i go see him, i wait for him, im the one always looking.. and ive realized i think hes using me.. which sucks cause i dont even get sex… so whats the point? but yeah i do really like him to be honest… and it sucks… i swear i have badluck with black men… oh yeah and remember julian the guy that hurt me? well his father died… i found out a while ago and wrote to him giving him my condolences but thats it… he wrote back saying hes sorry for everything and wished we could talk one day i do not respond and wont… but yeah he was black too and he hurt me but im so attracted to black men… anyway… change of topic so yeah check on halloween check on a little of me… and check for african man stupid ass info… but yeah jaja im just out to have fun and honestly im real happy… i mean yeah sometimes i dont get everything i want.. which sucks.. but i like it because i have other things that make me smile… memories that i lean on (you!you!you!) and a smile that sometimes brightens other peoples days… i wish i were still high sadly as all things go… it goes… i go… so i leave u now wishing u the best always my love write to me! ill answer even if it takes forever but u r always in my mind baby dont ever forget that!

love always,

Maxine

P.S. what to want?…