ignore the title… there have not been any orgasms… sorry i havent written in a while… life has been busy… and when i write to u i need to give u enough time.. so i can put my thoughts together and figure out what i want to say even though i never go chronologically in anything… so yeah tomorrow’s halloween lets start backwards… hmmm im dressing up as audrey hepburn from breakfast at tiffany’s ill tell u about it but first.. well i wanted to spend halloween with the african man but since he seems not to give a shit about me… as im noticing.. i think im heading to a party with ppl from my work… their all 30 around there but their pretty cool ppl i have to say… ive hung out with them twice before… one was a work party and i actually met them… and then last weekend where i got so fucking high (they all smoke) that i was tripping out hardcore and yeah my sister was drunk and didnt want to leave and i have no idea how we made it home alive cause i swear that when i say i was high off my ass I WAS AS HIGH AS A KITE BABY!!!! jjaja as today where i got a little high with 2 friends from my biology class… yeah their both guys it figures jajaja but their pretty cool we went to the mall so i could buy my costume which is just a little tight black dress…. and black pumps… yes i look sexy in case u were wondering.. jaja i wish i could share myself with u on such a night where u can dress up as absolutely anything… which i love…. so yeah what else yesterday i also got high with the same ppl from today and it was fun… i cant make it a habit though… its ok i think i have enough self control… so yeah we havent moved yet fuck i swear this day will never come… and im not pregnant at all… jajaja dont worry and im actually on birth control so yeah… nobabies till im ready.. and hopefully married and in final hapiness… so will you marry me? i mean think about it u become american… im not ugly so ull have a pretty wife who loves you mad… doesnt that sound pleasant… jaja i miss u babe.. but i have more to say… so yeah… um… schools the same works the samme as in do it everyday boring the same… i still am confused about what i want to be… but i guess along the way ill bump into something… deep in my heart it screams ART! ART! ART! and my body refuses… i should just go with my mind… which says whatever makes you sleep at night.. makes u happy… finally satisfied… I WISH! so i told the african the truth about what i feel for him which i realized i really like him and im stupid because i go see him, i wait for him, im the one always looking.. and ive realized i think hes using me.. which sucks cause i dont even get sex… so whats the point? but yeah i do really like him to be honest… and it sucks… i swear i have badluck with black men… oh yeah and remember julian the guy that hurt me? well his father died… i found out a while ago and wrote to him giving him my condolences but thats it… he wrote back saying hes sorry for everything and wished we could talk one day i do not respond and wont… but yeah he was black too and he hurt me but im so attracted to black men… anyway… change of topic so yeah check on halloween check on a little of me… and check for african man stupid ass info… but yeah jaja im just out to have fun and honestly im real happy… i mean yeah sometimes i dont get everything i want.. which sucks.. but i like it because i have other things that make me smile… memories that i lean on (you!you!you!) and a smile that sometimes brightens other peoples days… i wish i were still high sadly as all things go… it goes… i go… so i leave u now wishing u the best always my love write to me! ill answer even if it takes forever but u r always in my mind baby dont ever forget that!
love always,
Maxine
P.S. what to want?…
